Day 4: March 4, 2024

Sisters 

They’re my best friends – and by choice at this point. I’ve thought a lot about this especially in the last year. My boyfriend has three brothers, and he’s also the third of four. They’re close, but they’re not his best friends. He’s constantly shocked when he’s over and I get calls from not one, not two, but all three of them in the span of an hour. I’m laughing now picturing his face after the third call. “Are you kidding?” He’d ask. “They all really want to talk to you?” which is often met with a slap on the arm from me. I often pick up and say, “Are you okay?” which they mostly say yes to, and then let them know I’m busy and can talk later. He’s shocked when he hears that I had a conference call for over an hour on a walk with them. He’s shocked that our group chat talks about more than when we’re going to be home, that we send each other outfits and that I review my sister’s hinge matches to determine eligibility, and that I call them my best friends. I love that I get to introduce him to my normal, and I love that he introduces me to his. So yeah, my sisters are my chosen best friends. They don’t have to be the ones I choose to call, choose to go on trips with, choose to visit, and everything else, but they are. 

All that being said, when I wake up to strings of texts with a sister struggling, it affects my day. I don’t live near them, I can’t easily go into their rooms anymore and offer a hug, sit there and problem solve, or take them for a drink (all legal girlies now!) or coffee (seeing that it’s 10:20 in the morning as I write this). And yes, decaf still (I’m not seeing the point). It affected me more so because it felt like deja vu of a situation I’ve been in, which I had oddly just talked through yesterday. When I look back on living through inconsiderate and unaware roommates and friends, which I honestly feel is a girl canon event, I often wish someone had shaken me and said “you deserve more than this! They are being mean, and there’s no magic wand to wave and make them see it.” I still wouldn’t have done anything differently; I have found that I have to figure things out myself regardless of advice I get. 

As I read through the texts, I found myself deeply empathetic with what she was struggling with. She didn’t want to seem above them, she was feeling really stupid for her reactiveness, she is having a hard time separating her life from theirs, and the solutions she’s thought through might seem overbearing and too controlling. Been there, done that. It’s exhausting to not feel comfortable in your safe space. I also want to tell her that it’s just an obstacle, a learning experience, that it actually made me a better person, and that it gets better and that yes, you can find roommates you adore!! I might’ve gone home this weekend had I known she was there and sad. I was able to write a text for her, nearly a copy and paste from one I’ve sent in my past, and I’ll be thinking about her this week and checking in a lot, while also giving a far-away finger to anyone who dares be mean to my little sister.